How Can the Family Scapegoat Never Loyalty and Respect in Future Relationships
The second function in this discussion is the rebel, discussed in some detail here. Merely there is some other bespeak of view about the role of this troubled child and that is that they play the scapegoat for the family.
From this perspective, this child takes on the family unit's problems and acts them out, to ensure that the family secret is held tightly within the family. Apparently this is not a situation of a parent working too much, merely it might be the case of troubled families where whatever of these, amid many others, exist:
- Alcoholism
- Incest
- Mental illness
- Sexual addiction
- Poverty that is held in undercover for some reason
- Domestic violence,
- Child abuse
This child protects the truth of the dwelling house situation from coming to the attention of anyone
exterior the family. Outsiders wait to the behavior of this child and focus on that, rather than the family as a system.
Ironically if a therapist or counselor tries to look at the kid in the context of the family unit system, the entire family volition walk abroad, willingly sacrificing the child to save the larger organism.
Beliefs symptoms of the scapegoated child are, ironically the same equally that of the rebel. It always centers effectually self hate, rage and cocky damage, whether that'south past drugs or alcohol, promiscuity or actual cocky harm similar cutting.
The kid is lonely, afraid, frustrated, hurt, hopeless and riddled with feelings of inadequacy and self hate. There is some idea that they act out in relation to the depth of these feelings. This child is unaware of any emotion other than rage, lacks the ability to genuinely connect with others, refuses opportunities, and ignores success and accomplishments.
Although ofttimes very bright, not much is expected of this child and they are happy to alive down to those expectations. Even as adults, they are often nether-employed, usually making failures of even these uncomplicated opportunities. Everyone knows they could succeed if they would just use themselves. Unfortunately, they've bought the family unit belief that they're the trouble, the failure. And equally a event they're stymied unless in that location is a desperate change in the family organisation.
What kind of alter in the family unit system could cause the insubordinate or scapegoat to move from their role to a dissimilar identify in life? Ironically, it is not uncommon for this adult to take over the part of the hero, if something happens to the sibling in that role. Whenever you hear of a death of a child in a family, watch and see if the 'problem child' comes around and straightens up. There will be lots of reasons for this dramatic change simply it's as if the breadth of the success of the hero draws in the insubordinate, as if in a vacuum, if the hero tin no longer fill that role.
To be successful in this new function or to recover from the childhood beliefs and values he or she learned the rebel/scapegoat will have to move through their anger to the hurt it
covers. The hurt of the abandoned child who took on their role to give the family a focus other than the primary problem presented by their parents.
As they move from anger to hurt, they will besides have to learn to negotiate rather than rebel. To communicate, not react. To listen rather than talk.
The role of the rebel/scapegoat provides, in the midst of the acting out, a tangible service to the family unit, who is willing to sacrifice 1 of the children to keep the hugger-mugger of their dysfunction.
Recollect these roles only solidify in families where one parent is emotionally absent and the other is focused on him or her. Not every acting out child is filling this part, but for the sake of the child, it'due south always worth asking about the family arrangement.
Have you met people in this part? Tin you recognize the symptoms in co-workers or your boondocks? Have you met anyone who had an amazing plow-around in their life? Any thoughts about what prompted the change?
As e'er, information technology'due south best not to diagnose our families of origin or our electric current family. But your comments are always appreciated. and if there's something personal you'd similar to share, feel gratis to contact me directly.
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